A few years ago me and my dad went to my last father daughter dance. I wore a pink dress with little jewels on it and my dad wore a red and gray button up. It was super cold outside so I wore his big gray hoodie over my dress. He and I danced and drank punch but ultimately got bored pretty quick so instead of staying and talking about nothing we got back in his truck and bought a pint of his favorite ice cream, rocky road. We ate it in his truck while listening to his favorite song, Tennessee Whiskey by Chris Stapleton. After that, we went to the pet store and held a ferret, which was one of his favorite animals at the time. It’s one of my favorite memories with him.
On August 18, 2021 I lost my father to suicide. My father was and continues to be my best friend and the best father imaginable. He taught me so many things that no one else could and he made my life so happy and fun just by being beside me. My father struggled with drug addiction and I believe it was something that made him feel as though he had to make that decision. Every month that goes by makes it easier for me to understand, but makes it harder for me to cope with it.
Ever since that day one thing that has become more important to me is talking about it. Not just my experience but just suicide awareness and loss in general. It has been such an important topic to me and that’s why I decided to write about it.
When talking about suicide loss and awareness there are many things that can be triggering. When you lose someone to suicide many things become a trigger. In my experience it’s things that remind me of that person. Such as, his favorite bands and places we used to go to together, but it can be anything, even if it doesn’t make sense to someone without trauma.Trauma is such an important topic when speaking about suicide loss. Especially in children. Many people react with little to no emotion which is a trauma response. Trauma with a situation like this can make it hard or even impossible to cope. There are so many different things trauma responses result in, such as, self harm, PTSD, mutism, dissociation, and eating disorders.
When talking about trauma and trauma responses it’s important to also talk about healthy coping mechanisms. After losing someone it’s always hard to want to do things even if they are healthy for you. Some healthy coping mechanisms are listening to music, reading, exercising, finding hobbies, and most importantly, talking to someone. You can’t bottle up what you feel and it’s extremely helpful to talk to a therapist. Everyone needs someone to talk to.
