A Younger Sibling's Future
Summary
Every teenager is constantly being reminded of their future. Wherever they go, they are reminded of the lives they haven’t lived yet. I see my future the most in my older sister’s bedroom.
Every teenager is constantly being reminded of their future. Wherever they go, they are reminded of the lives they haven’t lived yet. They feel the pressure of deciding what they want their future to entail, whether it’s tomorrow or 40 years down the road. I see my future the most in my older sister’s bedroom.
My sister is my only sibling. She is in her sophomore year of college, while I am in my sophomore year of high school. It does not take a long time talking to us to acknowledge that we are very different people. My mom always joked that she saw our personalities before we could speak. While my sister was constantly crying when she was a baby, I would silently sleep for hours at a time. Our dynamic has stayed like that since. This caused us to not always be the best of friends growing up.
When she lived with us, it felt like I always had to be aware of how I acted around her, in case some small thing I did annoyed her. I was sick once on a family vacation, and each time I would cough, she would scream at me. I don’t know if it was out of fear or the strange desire I had to be liked by my sister, but I would attempt to stifle my cough for the rest of the trip. I once considered dying my hair purple, not sure why I wanted to, but my sister told me, “Don’t you dare. That would look so ugly. Go blonde.” I decided to go blonde instead. At the time, I wasn’t sure why I both admired and disliked my sister at the same time. But now that I’m older, I know it was because although we were different, I still saw so many amazing traits in her that were lacking in me.
Even though she went about it in strange ways, my sister always looked after me, hence why I still have blonde hair today. She always seemed so wise and all-knowing to me. As I watched my sister go through her next steps of her life, she would show zero worry, stress, or uncertainty. Even my parents, who sometimes admitted to me how difficult she would be, didn’t seem worried about her future. I saw this and just assumed that’s how everyone went through their life: confident and head-on. However, this was just another thing that was different between us.
As I’m getting older and watching my future near, it has made me miss how my sister looked out for me, even if I didn’t appreciate it at the time. I want to ask her, “What classes should I take? Which of my teachers did you like? How do I balance all of my schoolwork?” I feel like she would know all the answers. I don’t know how she ever made going through life look easy. Even now, as she faces some of the hardest aspects of college, she still shows confidence and ease. Now more than ever, I wish that I had admired more of her strengths while she was still here. Even though she has moved out, I still feel like I have adapted a lot of her best traits and molded myself to be a healthy balance between our drastic personalities.
As I reflect on the complicated relationship me and my sister have had throughout our childhoods, I now feel grateful to have been a little sister; to have been able to learn from her confidence and conviction. Even though I might not feel sure or confident about what my future looks like, I can learn from my sister and take whatever steps I take with pure strength.
My sister's room used to be the messiest in the house. I avoided going in it as much as I could for that reason. Since it’s always kept clean now, I can sometimes force myself to go in there.
About a year after my sister moved out, we adopted a cat. We kept her and her things in my sister's room most of the time the first few weeks we had her. She somewhat kept the room full.
I always hated sharing a bathroom with my sister because of how messy she was on her side. Now her side is practically spotless. My cat likes to take advantage of this, filling up the space again.
This picture was hung up in my sister’s closet. It’s strange how the first few years of your life go by so fast, and then the rest don’t even try to slow down for you.
My sister left behind a lot of clothes when she went to college. I steal a lot of them, sometimes including her UWM and senior shirt.
This spot in our driveway used to be my sister’s parking spot for her white car. Now that I’m learning to drive and have my own car, it’s now mine. It still feels weird to see it there instead of hers sometimes.
Comments
Post a commentWaunakee Community High School Advanced English 10 - 3B
Mrs. Swanhorst's Advanced English 10 students
Alyssa, What a beautiful meditation on having and being a sibling! I think many of us who have siblings can identify with so much of what you wrote here. I especially loved this line that you wrote: "At the time, I wasn’t sure why I both admired and disliked my sister at the same time." This sums up so much for me! Thank you for sharing this story - I hope you get to share it with your sister, too.